On Being Straight in the World’s First Gay Synagogue
June 13, 2011 
6 Comments
by Maggie Anton Parkhurst
Beth Chayim Chadashim, Los Angeles, CA
When asked to write a post about my “experience belonging to a diverse community” for the RJ Blog, I took this as asking for my experience as a straight woman at Beth Chayim Chadashim (BCC), the world’s first gay synagogue. Although more than 90% of the congregation identifies as LGBT, my husband and I, along with my daughter and son-in-law, have been members since 1999, making us the “odd man out.”
So what are we doing here? What Jews do in other synagogues – only more so, because for many of our members, BCC is not just their shul; it’s also their family. Unfortunately, homophobia has forced some of our most dedicated and highly educated Jews out of less diverse and welcoming communities and into BCC, where we can learn and daven together.
We are diverse in more ways than sexual orientation. Yes, we are a Reform congregation, but our members have all sorts of Jewish backgrounds, from converts and Workman’s Circle yiddishists, through mainline Conservative to Orthodox yeshivah bochers. Despite these differences, we share a commitment to gender neutrality and equality at services, along with lots of singing.
We also represent Los Angeles’s varied ethnicities, which is abundantly clear when members read from the Book of Esther in fourteen different languages at Purim. Tolerance and embracing the stranger are BCC’s hallmarks, especially the latter, as everyone walking in on Shabbat receives a warm welcome. Even and especially people who feel excluded, or worry about feeling excluded, at other synagogues.
At first, all this diversity was uncomfortable compared to the suburban temple where our children grew up. But sooner than I expected, I didn’t find it odd when men kissed men “Shabbat Shalom,” and eventually, I didn’t notice that I didn’t find it odd. To this day, one of the nicest compliments I’ve received at BCC was, after reading from the M’gillah in Klingon for Purim, “You may not be gay, but you’re definitely queer.”
Spotlight on Diversity: This June, the URJ highlights a variety of resources to help congregations welcome and support diverse members. Learn more on our website.
Thank you Maggie for posting this here. You neglected to add that you are the author of the best-selling Rashi’s Daughters trilogy. I’m happy to add that bit of information. BCC is proud of all of your family’s generous contributions of all kinds. You at least deserve a plug for your wonderful historical novels as a token thank you.
Maggie,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. We at BCC are so blessed to have your family as past of our “family”. I have, through the years, enjoy studying and learning with you, singing and playing klezmer music with Dave.
Your family make our congregation so much more special!
Davi
Well said, Maggie. Thank you.
Never thought of you as “an odd-man out”!!
Maggie makes acceptance a standard practice in her actions, she made sure that she taught her child this reality, and she writes about it in her books which educate others.
I am proud to have her as a friend.
As an odd women out to every Shul I have ever been in I appreciate this read.
Great job. And thank you for teaching at least 1 little human beyond torlerance.