Taking Over The World, One Camp At A Time

By Julianne Schwartz, Drama Specialist at GFC. Julianne won first prize in our staff essay contest for this essay. This essay is based on the Ted Talk by Charlie Todd: The shared experience of absurdity

Dear Camper or Staff Member,

As you know every counselor goes to camp for his or her own reason. You have probably realized by now that most counselors go to camp for very selfish reasons. For the fame, incredibly high salaries, hours of silent meditation, fame, mamtak (aka candy), the ability to ride the roller coaster in the staff lounge and the all staff cruise to the Bahamas. But let me surprise you all and say I am going to camp for a very different reason and that is world domination.

If you can take over a camp you can surely take over the world. Summer camp is essentially training wheels for real life conquest. Seeing as Greene Family Camp is one of the strongest camps ever, it’s the first one to go. Yes, I am wearing a cape right now. Yes, I do have a plan for this Greene take over. Will I share it with you? Of course! I’m gloating aren’t I? Campers, fellow staff members, join me in the fight to take over.

1. Write letters to your mom. Mom’s know more than was previously assumed, almost as much as your counselors. Write her letters, butter her up. Say things like “I love you” and “I’m having a really great time” make her think you aren’t trying to take over the world.

2. Do everything. We will take over the camp in chunks. You go left, I’ll go right. Do as many things as you can. Climb higher than you’ve ever climbed. If you’re really feeling crazy make a lanyard or learn to play guitar. Everyone knows that song leaders are robots and can be rather hard to over throw, beat them at their own game. Try everything. Intimidate.

3. Assume Maccabiah (color wars) isn’t happening. It isn’t. Budget cuts. Accept this and move on, it will make you stronger.

4. Make a friend. Make thirty. Make everyone your friend. Be nice to people. No one can conquer the world alone. Make a Jewish friend.

5. Pee the most. Do this by drinking ALL the water. Literally, all of the water. Don’t “save some for the fishes”. Fish are very against human conquest as they are also trying to take over the world. (I have a scuba diver friend who did some spying). You need your strength out there. You can’t do anything if you’re dehydrated. Do what exactly? See #2

6. Take drama class. I heard the drama specialist this summer is incredibly smart and beautiful.

7. Learn something new about your Judaism. If you let it, a Jewish identity can give your life deeper meaning and becoming apart of a Jewish community can create an incredible sense of acceptance. Besides, we have bagels and an entire day off, embrace it.

8. If you are a single male counselor and enjoy s’mores see #6.

9. Win at nikayon (clean up). You can’t take over the world with stinky feet and dirty shorts. Or can you? Nope. Probably can’t. It will upset the Mom’s which we have already recruited.

10. Have fun. Why not? You’re already here.

Camp is a place to embrace the weird. I’ve decided to start a little early. The summers I’ve spent in Bruceville have been the best summers of my life because I was both weird and accepted. Have a great summer! I know I will!



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