By JanetheWriter
Last week, I drafted--and ultimately scraped--a post for this blog because after it was written, I came to realize that not only was it much too personal for the vast world of cyberspace, but also, because I wrote it in anger after someone challenged my belief in the Jews' covenantal relationship with God, I wanted to give myself some time to reflect on what I was saying.

Then I read the article in the New York Times quoting a letter from Abraham Foxman to Pastor John Hagee in which Foxman writes, "We look forward to meeting with you to promote a dialogue between Christians and Jews based on mutual respect, reconciliation and the recognition of God's eternal covenant with the Jewish people." Since Foxman raised the covenantal issue with Hagee, I've reconsidered my scraped post and, after a lot of thinking, I'm giving it another shot:

I love to read the wedding announcements in the Sunday New York Times, taking special note of how the couples met each other, the lives they've lived and, in the case of the Jewish unions, the clergy who officiated at the ceremonies. Bolstered by these weekly vignettes of found love, and ever optimistic that there's a great Jewish guy out there for me too, I've been known to prowl the usual cyberspace venues dedicated to such matters--jdate, match.com, and the yahoo personals, always setting the search criteria to "Jewish" for the latter two.

In a recent email exchange with someone on one of these sites, the issue of "chosen-ness" came up, which got me to thinking about the need to answer for myself the question of why it is so important for me not only to limit my search to "members of the tribe," but also to find someone within the tribe who cherishes and celebrates being Jewish in the same liberal way that I do.

Like Abraham Foxman, I believe in God's eternal covenant with the Jewish people. However, I don't think it's at all about God choosing us. Rather, I think it's all about us--individually, collectively and for all time--choosing God by upholding our end of the covenantal relationship with God that I believe defines us as a religious (not a cultural or an ethnic) people.

So what does this mean for me on the dating scene?

It means that rather than settling for the first culturally or ethnically Jewish guy ("Jewish but not religious" in jdate-speak) who comes along, I will wait for someone for whom being Jewish is more than English sprinkled with Yiddishisms, bagels and lox on Sundays, and reading Philip Roth's latest novel.

It means seeking out a special someone who, although he doesn't necessarily count the omer, kiss the mezuzah or lay tefillin, he does treasure and celebrate being Jewish in a way that consciously marks the passage of Jewish time and ensures that it is personally meaningful to him.

It means finding someone who understands that even if our Friday night plans include nothing more than Chinese take-out and Netflix, the evening will be more special if we start by lighting Shabbat candles.

It means being with someone for whom eggs and pancakes in an all-night diner after a Tikkun Leil Shavuot study session is a great date, and it means finding someone who understands that whether or not we believe that we personally crossed the Red Sea to flee the Egyptians or stood at the foot of Mt. Sinai ourselves, Passover foods (both what we eat and what we don't) remind us that even today, slavery and oppression are rampant in our world and it is our obligation to partner with God to erase them.

And lastly this: It means that although I don't necessarily need my special someone to share my view of the covenantal relationship between God and the Jews, I do need him to possess his own defined and active relationship with Judaism, and be willing to share it with me.

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