A Sense of Shabbat Worship
November 28, 2008
Shabbat
(3 comments)
by Rabbi Victor S. Appell
Director, Small Congregations,
Union for Reform Judaism
 Just yesterday at dinner, my seven year old son asked why we never sign him and his brother up for "Parent's Night Out." This is a program run by our local YMCA. Once a month on a Friday evening, parents can drop their children off at the Y for several hours of babysitting. While the parents get to go out, their children enjoy pizza and a movie along with their friends. We explained that Friday evening was Shabbat and a time we spend together as a family. It always involves dinner, either at our home, or at the home of friends. When our temple has a Shabbat Alive or Family Service, we try to attend. As a family, we seem to have figured out Friday evenings. My three year old asks all week when it will be Shabbat. And my seven year old, channeling some inner-Chasid, could eat an entire challah, piece by piece, dipping each piece into his grape juice.
Saturday still presents a challenge. While my congregation is beginning to explore such worship opportunities, Shabbat morning options at most congregations are not child friendly. We avoid chores such as grocery shopping or trips to the dry cleaner. But sporting activities and birthday parties still beckon with great regularity. We try to do things our children will enjoy like trips to children's museums. In the warm weather we go to the pool and in the cold weather we may go to a movie. All of this we frame for our children as enjoyable things we get to do because it is Shabbat.
So while my children will, hopefully, have a sense of Shabbat rest and Shabbat joy, I worry that their sense of Shabbat worship will be incomplete. I am not sure how they will become familiar with the Shabbat morning liturgy, the weekly telling of our people's story, or the power of hearing the Torah being chanted. My appreciation of these did not come until I was well into my adult years. I hope my own children will not have to wait as long.
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Almost four decades ago we returned to my wife's birthplace to spend some time with her parents and extended family, taking our 4 year old son along. Also in town and invited to dinner, was the very Orthodox Rabbi who officiated at our wedding. (He ran a talmud torah in a large city and rode circuit, as needed, in the hinterlands.) After my mother-in-law's delicious Kosher dinner, the Rabbi sat down for a talk with my son.
As I overheard the discussion I was pleased that my son was aware that Shabbat was a day of rest, that we had dinner as a family on Friday evening, blessing the candles, wine and Challah, and often went to the Reform synagogue of which we were a member. But I was horrified --- the Rabbi was less horrified --- to discover that he thought that the evening was the end of Shabbat. That Saturday was an ordinary day, when Dad often went to work, when Mom often went out to shop or cook, when kids played sports or went to the movies and prayer, study or rest was far from what we did.
After that little lesson, I went into the office on Saturday much less, and attended Shabbat morning services --- often with that son --- more, and that at least was a start.
Raising kids is a challenge, and I am convinced that the only way to rise to the Shabbat morning challenge is by example and togetherness. But it does seem that not much has changed in 40 years.
Rabbi...Good Luck