Although Jane's comments might lead us in many directions, let me pick up on the lack of understanding by the JTS students of Reform Judaism today, as it contrasts with Conservative Judaism. I think Jeremy and Aviva and their chevra will find when they leave the cloister that their Jews and our Jews live pretty similar lives, and even daven pretty similar prayers.

I keep telling the story about the party at which my wife and I were dissed as Reformed (sic) Jews by the six other couples at the gathering, all of whom belonged to Conservative congregations. And I reminded them, as we sat eating our treyf (non-kosher) dinner that we might belong to a Reform congregation, but we were also the only ones who went to shul every shabbos.

This morning's Eilu email from the Union provided a nice translation for the word Halacha -- path -- closer to the meaning of its root letters than the usual translation as law.

Reform Jews may or may not walk the path of Halacha -- but how many Conservative Jews follow the laws of their Halacha? We read of debates in Conservative circles as to whether a congregational president needs to be shomer shabbos (Sabbath observant). There wouldn't be the debate if the presidents were.

On balance, I get the sense that Jane enjoyed her frummier-than-her-normal Shabbat -- because she was able to avoid getting judgmental, even about people who may have been (secretly or openly) judgmental about her.

The great advance in Reform Judaism over our past is that we no longer define ourselves by what we don't do -- and hopefully we don't define or judge others by what they do or don't do -- as long as they refrain from criticizing us for our differences.

JJ, benching is no part of our religion as Reform Jews any more than is the Talmud. Neither are many other rituals and theological doctrines. Reform Judaism has reevaluated and chosen to get rid of customs and ritual that built up over time and cannot now be rationally justified, if they ever could. Discarding customs that were at odds with Jews integrating as full participants in modern, multi-cultural, democratic societies put us closer to the ethical lifestyle that our prophets espoused and on the path to fulfilling our mission to bring God's word to the non-Jewish world.

Is it kind of nonsensical for Americans in the 21st century to be saying prayers in a language they don't understand rather than praying in our own language? Why would God want us to do that? Does anyone suggest that He does not hear the prayers of Jews who pray in our own language?

One could argue that Reform Judaism is much closer to some types of Protestant Christianity in many important respects than to some other types of Judaism like Hasidism and ultra-Orthodox Judaism to name two. I'm talking about ways that make a practical difference in your daily life (like how we dress, where we live, how we educate our children, how we work, who we socialize with, our support of charitable activities, our concern for the poor and oppressed, our political involvement, etc.). For instance, the way good Reform Jews and good Unitarian Christians live their lives is much more similar than Reform and Hasidic or ultra-Orthodox Jews. In fact, one might be hard pressed to identify important areas of theological dispute with Unitarians.

MB, your view that neither blessings nor the Talmud are part of Reform Judaism is just nonsense. Both are in the Reform prayer books from the beginning. What Unitarians don't have is Jewish tradition and sacred literature, from Pirkei Avot and the Mishnah through the Talmud, Maimonides, the Jewish mystics, the Chassidim, and modern thinkers such as Buber and so on. And they don't have a community concerned with these, and with a view of the Hebrew scriptures informed by these.

This is an incredibly rich heritage and we need to learn from it and build on it. To jettison it as you do in your imaginary version of Reform is folly: it would cut us off from our greatest source of strength.

I think it might be helpful for you all to realize that those same Conservative Jews at JTS would likely feel equally at a loss at an average Reform synagogue's Friday night service. Although the text would be mostly familiar, the differences in melodies, when to stand, and a dozen other small but noticable differences would be just as disorienting.

I say this as someone who grew up as a very committed, involved, educated Conservative Jew who, outside of a few b'nai mitzvah, never set foot in a Reform service until after college. I had a similar reaction to Janet - I felt ashamed that with all my involvement and commitment I didn't feel comfortable and prepared to participate in a way that was clearly familiar to a huge number of American Jews.

My reaction was also similar. I wanted to learn more. I never again wanted to walk into a mainstream Jewish activity and feel like it was in any way inaccessible to me. And now, in my career as a Jewish educator in a pluralistic institution, I try to impart this value to my own students. It's certainly very important to know your own values and practices first and foremost, but as a member of the Jewish people, klal yisrael, or however you think about it, I think it's very important to also know enough to at least feel at home in others' Jewish settings as well. But I think we're still at least a half-a-generation away from this being a really mainstream value.

Penk,

Although I cannot (yet) bentsch a full birkat ha-mazon, you're right -- Shabbat also belongs to me and I do, indeed, try to know it as a living, breathing, organic experience, even if for only a part of the 25 hours each week.

And, it need not only happen at home or in a synagogue. Some of my best Shabbats have been elsewhere, including Coney Island (http://blogs.rj.org/reform/2008/08/a-coney-island-shabbat.html) and on a bus (http://blogs.rj.org/reform/2008/08/an-itunes-shabbat.html). Not sure what this Shabbat will bring, but with any luck, perhaps an encounter with a manatee or two here in Tampa.

Shabbat shalom!

Friends, I read all of your comments with interest and a little concern. I was lucky enough to share that Shabbat celebration with Jane as I am Jeremy's mom. I think what is missing, when there is no opportunity for personal discussion, is the 3D take on that Shabbat. I feel it is important to put it in perspective - or, at least to try. We are referring to very young adults. Remember when you were young adults? Everything was so clear. We had all the answers. Although I found some of their comments short-sighted and naive, I put it in a place marked "Re-visit in 12 years." Remember those anti-disestablishment youths? They grew up to be business leaders. We get so upset when we feel disrespected; and, often this is appropriate. In this instance, we are talking about students trying to figure out right and wrong for themselves; and, more importantly, overall acceptance of others. I know my son was not participating in this so called "bashing" as his father, of blessed memory, was a reform jew, and he himself struggles between the two movements. The depth of learning he receives at JTS can not compare to the broader world view and tikkun olam that is taught at HUC. As an unusually perceptive young adult, he understands and embraces both perspectives. I raised my children to be able to walk into (almost) any congregation and feel as though they could participate and take from the experience what they needed to feel spiritually fulfilled at that given moment. I raised them to be eclectic and knowledgeable so that they could make informed decisions that mattered to them. Did the other parents of the students at that table attempt the same, perhaps. Not all of my children, at this writing, were able to internalize all the things that I tried to teach them without their father.

Perhaps Jane's "discomfort" could be interpeted in a broader way. Perhaps she too, longed to be able to walk through doors and be able to meld seamlessly with that group. Please remember that we are talking about jew to jew, not other religions, races, political leanings, etc. I feel joy at the peace she took with her from that evening. Yes, she still had her cell phone with which she could, at a press of a button, be connected to anyone in her network. But instead, she chose to take a little bit of time for herself. To bask in the peace of shabbat. And THAT, I believe, is universally a jewish feeling.