Remind me why we do this again?
November 29, 2009
Holidays
(6 comments)
by Leon Adato
(Originally posted on The Edible Torah)
I have something to admit: My family thinks Thanksgiving is a big let-down.
I realize this is about as close to blasphemy as you can get in American culture. Give me a chance to explain, and to offer a solution.
Facing the hard cold facts, my family and I do *A LOT* of Jewish celebrating through the year. From Passover (which is at the top of our list) to Sukkot, and all the various moments in-between like Rosh Hashanah, Chanukah, Shavuot and even Tu B'Shvat) we typically have a special celebration almost once a month. Then there's the big daddy of Jewish holidays: Shabbat. It should be pretty obvious to anyone who is on this site why THAT'S a big deal at our house. Finally, let's not overlook Havdallah, the other dessert holiday.
Each of these celebrations comes with a special meal, and most have special foods associated with them. Each celebration also has it's own significance, and rituals that go along with it. There are always candles to light, blessings to be said. There are moments to be remembered - defeats to live down, mistakes to learn from, and triumphs to warm our hearts. There are stories to tell - from Torah, from Talmud, from Midrash both ancient and new. We Jews have invented rituals both silly and somber to mark these times; parables and dinner table plays appropriate to children and the child in all of us; readings from our texts and our lives that catch in our throats. We choke down horseradish, lick honey off the covers of books, beat the person next to us with green onions, stick raisins in our challah, and set off smoke alarms frying all manner of things in oil.
Which brings us back to Thanksgiving.
About 3 years ago, because of our schedule and those of our family and friends, we found ourselves having a quiet little Turkey-day with just my wife and I and our 4 kids. As we prepared the various dishes, my older kids kept asking what the theme was. "No theme." we reminded them. We set the dining room table, laid out the food, and called everyone in. Nobody sat down, and the kids looked at me, waiting for me to talk about the Torah portion.
"Where da candles?" asked the 3 year old. "No candles, buddy," I told him. "It's Thanksgiving, not Shabbat."
My wife and I talked with the kids about being thankful, about the story of the colonizing of America and some of the hardship those first settlers from Europe encountered. But you could tell from their expressions that this was more like a fictional story than history. I quickly realized that "hungry" had overcome "curious", and we tabled (no pun intended) the discussion in favor of sampling all the food we'd worked to create during the day.
As we were cleaning up my 11 year old expressed a feeling I've heard from many friends on Thanksgiving: "I'm glad we only do this once a year,"
...but she followed it up with, "and I'm glad we get to have Shabbat every week instead."
There's an episode of Roseanne (OK, go ahead and roll your eyes) where they are standing around the table, and Roseanne says "We oughtta say something about being thankful or a prayer or something". In the end, nobody knows what to say, and they just dig into the food. I remember thinking as I watched that it wasn't a funny scene, but it was very honest, because I have experienced Thanksgivings where the same thing happened, more or less, for real.
I wonder how many families this year will, as they are faced with a moment of celebration, find themselves at a loss for what to say or do?
Why are talking donkeys and 5,000 year old Patriarchs and Matriarchs more real to my children than Pilgrims who helped found the country where they live?
Part of the reason surely is emphasis in the home. We live with Shabbat as a weekly visitor in our home, whereas Thanksgiving is just that holiday that sits awkwardly between Halloween and Hanukah. Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Rebeccah and the rest of the ancient Jew Crew are part of our daily discussion. Pocahontas and her story is a movie from Disney (and a frustratingly inaccurate one at that).
But that's only part of the reason, I think. The other reason why the Jewish moments seem so accessible is precisely because they are structured. From family to family we as Jews may individually decide what we will or won't do and observe, but there is clarity for the list of options for any given celebration. Yom Tov candles are lit here. Kol Nidre recided there. You don't recite "al ha-nissim" on Passover. You don't light the chanukiah on Tu B'shevat.
What do we say at the Thanksgiving table? Beyond the turkey and trimmings, what phrases are obligatory, which are options? We don't know. In the face of the ambiguity, even Fourth of July is more concrete in our understanding of how we observe it.
If you find yourself, this coming Thursday, frustrated with a lack of ceremony, I encourage you to look at the 3 different "seders" created by Phillis Somer (Ima on and off the Bima) here on her website.
Or invent your own, and comment below on how it went.
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Gratitude is important. No people on earth have more to be thankful for than we do, living in this land of freedom and plenty, surrounded by friends in the strongest, most secure country on Earth. Sometimes we may forget how truly blessed we are, which is sad. People don't enjoy what they take for granted. Thanksgiving is a joyous holiday where we pause to appreciate all that we have and to express our gratitude to God. As the Bible says "Give thanks to the Lord, for the Lord is good, His kindness is everlasting." Jeremiah 33:11
Thanksgiving is great because it is a Jewish holiday, a Protestant holiday, a Catholic holiday, a holiday for all faiths. It was from the beginning observance by our Pilgrim ancestors and their Indian neighbors an interracial, interfaith holiday.
We have always celebrated Thanksgiving with family and friends. It is a lot more fun that way. This year we had fourteen at our home for a delicious Thanksgiving dinner: roast turkey, cornbread dressing, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, candied yams, home baked clover leaf rolls, mashed potatoes, chocolate cream pie and coconut meringue pie. All delicious kosher foods that everyone can enjoy. There were family and friends, people of different races and religions, young and old, observing this happy, sacred occasion together. After we said grace, each person took turns mentioning something they were thankful for.
Of course your three year old doesn't realize how much he has to be thankful for. Probably your 11 year old doesn't yet either. They think the whole world lives like they do. They don't. They assume Jews always had it as good as they do in America. They didn't. But surely you and your wife do appreciate all you have and can explain some of the many ways in which you have been blessed. Having enough to eat, having clothes to wear, having a home, having a job, having free universal education, having good health, having the ability to chose what you want to do and where you want to live instead of being limited by the government, having freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, having a democratic government which we citizens choose, having due process instead of arbitrary decisions made about us, living in a land of abundant natural resources and stunning natural beauty, having a family and friends to share your life with. You can set the example by expressing your gratitude for the many blessings we have as Jewish Americans.