Rabbi Rachel Gurevitz teaches that, "making Havdallah is one way to acknowledge the essence of Shabbat infusing Saturday, even when our day includes activities that don't fit within the traditional definitions of what (Shabbat) might look like."

Her teaching raises a question for me: Do we have to earn the right to make Havdallah? If, between lighting Shabbat candles and lighting the Havdallah candle, we have not done anything else to mark the sanctity of Shabbat, have we still fulfilled the mitzvah of Shomer Shabbes, keeping Shabbat?

In response to my questions, Rabbi Gurevitz wrote that, "for Reform Jews, we have to get out of the headset that 'Real Shabbes' means sitting in a 3 hour morning service and then going home for cholent and tzimmes.  We have to get out of the headset that we don't 'deserve' or aren't 'entitled' to Havdallah if we haven't observed Shabbat according to one, traditional model. When we pause and think about the essence of Shabbat time, we realize that it's all about connection, family time, walking in nature, reading stories with our children, socializing with friends.  These connections, and making time for them, lie at the heart of Shabbat. So we are all entitled to Havdallah, as an opportunity to pause, take in and appreciate the connections of that day, which many of us only really get to enjoy on Shabbat, in a wide variety of contexts."

For a meaningful Havdallah experience, or "Havdallah happening" as it's called in Rabbi Gurevitz's congregation, she suggests sharing moments of blessing and connection that you have experienced during the last 24 hours.  "When we make Havdalah together, it becomes something much more meaningful than simply re-enacting an ancient ritual as though we are the custodians of a ritual museum. When we connect the ritual to our own blessings of family time, social time, nature time, and so on, that have been part of our Shabbat that very weekend, the ritual becomes a focus around which we can acknowledge our blessings… Shabbat on Saturday is about community connection, whether at home, at play, taking a walk, or spending quality time together as a family. A Havdallah happening is an opportunity to acknowledge the blessing that these moments of connection offer on Shabbat by adding this beautiful ritual to the end of our day."