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Trying to endure loss in isolation is more than painful; it puts our lives at risk. Rambam understood that when he described the consequences of not being connecting to Am Yisrael at times of trauma, including our fast days.
Rebuke, תוכחה, when done correctly, looks for an opening, a sympathetic moment or shared memory to draw upon. Before reproving the other, we first join them. Once we are allies, our words urging change might be heard.